The Best Question I’ve Ever Been Asked by a Kid (or Adult)And Why You Need to Hear the Answer

Arookstook County, Maine –  I was standing in front of a crowd of young writers, talking to them about the writing process, what a career as an author is really like, and what it was like to win an Emmy Award–when a young hand shot up.

“How do you,” he started. “How do you learn to believe in yourself?”

I mean THAT is a powerful question… from a middle schooler. I knew immediately what he was asking: what are the steps? What can be done? How do you start believing in yourself? How do you arrive at a place where you believe in yourself and can chase your dreams and ACCOMPLISH them? It was a brave question because he was ackowledging his own challenge to believe in himself. Boy, am I glad he asked!

And I want to share my answer with you… because if you are chasing a dream, if you are stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone, if you are taking risks, if you are dedicating a precious part of yourself to doing something that feels a little bit daring and even scary, then you have probably asked yourself the same question: what steps do I need to take to believe in myself.

So here they are . . .

How to Believe in Yourself:

STEP ONE:

Believing in yourself is actually NOT the first step. I mean it. If you think that published authors, famous politicians, accomplished academics, wealthy entrepreneurs began thier journey by believeing in themselves or that their bodies were just naturally filled with belief in themselves… I want to tell you the truth… that didn’t happen. But here’s what did.

STEP TWO:

The first step is giving your permission to dream. What would you like to do? What would you like to try? How would you like to leave your mark on this unebelievably rare and special lifetime? What would bring you joy? What would be a challenge? Dream. Dream. Dream.

STEP THREE:

Next, pick something and take step towards it. Maybe that means taking a class. Maybe that means going to a workshop or a conference. Or reading a book that could help by offering insight, ideas, or knowledge on a topic, etc.

STEP FOUR:

Find someone who is already doing what you want to do… or something similar enough…a mentor you can learn from. Send them an e-mail, call them, send a letter… reach out and ask them this question: “What do you wish you had known at my stage in the journey?” or “What is a good next step for me? What’s the one thing I should focus on?”

STEP FIVE:

Build your team of supporters. Following a dream is exhilirating when you get there. But the road to success can be scary, filled with moments where you want to quit. You are going to need a team who can encourage you when things go south. You need people who will brainstorm solutions with you when you hit a road block. Maybe that person is a friend, a teacher, a neighbor, a calssmate, or a family member. Remember, this is YOUR team. You get to decide who’s on it.

STEP SIX:

Now, take another step. And another. Keep learning, reaching out, trying, and practicing. And get feedback from someone who’s better at it than you are–someone who’s already solved the very problem you are trying to solve. What feedback do they have for you? What can you improve?

STEP SEVEN:

Improve it. Work at it. Keep going. It takes courage.

STEP EIGHT:

And here it is… notice how you are growing. Notice how you are not at the beginning any more. Notice how…actually… you are on your way. Notice how that observation fills your belly wiht a zip, with a zing, with a thrill. Notice how a smile is starting to spread on your face. Maybe your eyes are lighting up? That’s BELIEF in yourself. You have it. Hey, you’ve come this far, you can probably go a little farther. So repeat the steps.

STEP NINE:

And lastly, go look yourself in the eye, in a mirror and say this, “You are doing a great job! It’s not always easy, but look how far you’ve come. I beleive in you. Keep going!”

How Do I Know This? From Personal Experience of Learning, Failing and (eventual) Success  Progress:

How do I know this is true? Because no matter what I’ve attempted, becoming a journalist and TV personlity, a published author, public speaker, small business owner, mom—no matter what it was, I found that it was easy to come up with a long list of reasons of why I couldn’t succeed or why I shouldn’t try. Not old enough, not young enough, not tall enough, skinny enough, big enough, smart enough, wealthy enough, talented enough…I could go on and on and on until it chokes me.

That producer was talking to a future Emmy Award Winner : )

But, instead of listening to all of those reasons, why not just give it a shot, make a truly serious effort and see what happens, maybe even learn something along the way?

When I was in journalism school in Boston, I had the chance to ask a well respected (national television) producer questions about the business. And I did. His response? He ignored my question and said,

“With a voice like that, you’ll never make it in television.”

He had honed in on my Southern accent… instead of my potential. I was furious, at first. I was also embarassed because he said it in front of a crowd.

Friends, I could have given up right then and there. An expert had just told me that I had no future. But what might have felt like a door closing in my face had a window I could climb through.

I decided to take the part I could use. At the time, journalists used non regional accents so that viewers could focus on the stories they were telling and not how they spoke. Whether or not I agreed with it, that was the reality. I practiced and practiced speaking without an accent. I sought out voice coaching. And little by little, I learned how to speak and tell stories without it.

I could have quit. Instead, I mined that conversation for constructive feedback, used it, and took another step forward. It wasn’t that I belived in myself. It was that I was willing to try. And if I could overcome that obstacle by educating myself and gaining experience, I knew I could overcome others. Belief in myself emmerged as a result of the process. (FYI-later in my career, I broke that rule and spoke with my accent whenever I felt like it!)

When I visit schools to work with students, I often bring my Emmy Award with me and hold it up… because that award is the result of not giving up. I didn’t win an Emmy for the first story I ever told. I won an Emmy after overcoming countless obstacles and learning as much as I could along the way.

And the same was true of becoming an author. The very first book that I wrote wasn’t great. But it served such a great purpose. I did the work and improved. I didn’t give up even when people pointed out what was not working. As I improved and learned the craft, a belief in myself emmerged. When I wanted to quit, my team cheered me on.

So, my answer to such an awesome question boils down to this…

Belief in yourself is not where you start, it’s where you end up!

This is why most of the books I write really center around themes of courage. This is why I love to talk about your potential and how we can all surprise ourselves with what we are truly capable of.

Which leads me to this request. Friends, will you allow me this honor… to be a part of your team because no matter what your dream is, no matter what your goal is, allow me this chance to tell you that I believe in you! I’m part of your team, cheering you on.

Now, get busy dreaming and chasing those dreams.

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